Every year, this month has always been the roughest. I know this because I’ve been vocal about my disdain for August ever since I could remember. The hurdles are usually in abundance and I am left to roll with the punches until the very last minute. But amidst all the negativity, there are still some good days to be remembered as a reminder of the gap from where I was last year.
Through all of these challenging moments I have come to realize a few valuable things.
1. As much as I love illustration and design, it is no longer my #1 passion. And that’s okay. I should stop forcing it out just because I’ve always had the title of ‘Illustrator’ attached to my name since college. It will flow out naturally as needed.
2. I don’t understand why I have placed a ridiculous amount of pressure on myself as regards to my Japanese Language Studies. I’ve only been at it for less than 3 months. I can’t expect myself to be a Nihongo expert within that short span of time. Just like what my friend, Love, said “The fact na nahihirapan ka ibig sabihin nun natututo ka. And that’s a good thing.”
3. It’s been four months since my last big trip back in May. Although I terribly miss being on the road, I get a little bit of satisfaction knowing that I can resist booking a spontaneous plane ticket to anywhere just because there’s a seat sale and instead focus on something that I will benefit from in the future… like education.
4. What has been keeping me sane and comforted throughout the month are good food and great friends. I will always be grateful that there are people on my side as I attempt to become a better person.
5. Most importantly, the biggest lesson here is that not everyone out there is out to hurt me. So I should stop hurting people back. Sure, I have burned quite a lot of meaningful bridges but that doesn’t mean I build bigger walls around myself to prevent any more hurt from happening. I think it’s time to start opening up to people again and invest in new relationships. Just because I’ve failed several times in the past that it would be the same for the future. Also, I should stop using the word ‘bitch’ to describe myself.
It’s challenging to balance a full time job during the day, language classes in the evening, late night freelance work, weekend side trips, social night outs with friends, my blogs, AND go home to my parents at least two weekends a month!
Now that I’ve listed them down, I need to give myself a pat on the back because this is far from where I was a year ago where I would spend days lying on my bed feeling sorry for myself and drowning in unnecessary emotions. I may not be as efficient as I’d like to be but I am constantly adjusting myself to keep up. It’s never too late to turn things around.
So thanks for roughing things up a bit, August! I should be ready for September now. =)