I’m always letting things get piled up to the point where the situation becomes unmanageable. And when everything becomes too much to handle, I would run away from it all.
My mentor since college, someone who saw the light inside a 17-yr old piece of trash, made me realize that I am an escapist. That instead of facing obstacles head on, I’ve been finding all sorts of means to avoid them and fooling myself into believing that the challenge has been conquered. He guided me all throughout my 6 years of college until today more than my real sister ever could, which is why I consider him my big brother whom I treasure very dearly. I remember crying like a kid in front of everyone when he announced then that he will be transferring to a new university.
Lately, he has been disappointed with me. And I know that I’ve been letting down a lot of people due to my lack of discipline and commitment. Blaming it to ‘quarter-life crisis‘ and other shit when in fact I am the one who lost control of all the garbage that accumulated. I am just lucky and blessed that despite all this, and being bitchy and bipolar to my friends, they have not left me yet.
I’ve fucked up a lot and I know I will keep doing so. In hopes that by the end of my 25th year, I can look at all the mistakes I’ve done and be proud that I have endured a lot and have grown into a better version than I was a year ago.
I need to take out the trash and start cleaning up the mess.
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